Personal

You hurt me.

My house is dark today. The rain is hitting the tin roof and I am curled up with my cats, crying and eating Thin Mints. Girl Scout cookies make everything better. If only…

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

In the beginning, I was naive. I let you in, and I trusted you. I listened to you. I respected you. I see now that all of these things were not mistakes.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

My life has not been easy. Granted, it hasn’t been the worst in the world, but pain is relative. My struggles have come partly from myself, and partly from you. But it’s okay.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

We had a relationship, you and I. We laughed, we cried, we shared secrets. I loved you, and I believe that you loved me. One day, though, that stopped, and I’m not exactly sure why.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

It may feel redundant, what I’m repeating every other line. I just need you to know that I forgive you. See, I’m the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve. Time after time, it’s been ripped off and stomped on, and I just pick it back up and sew it back on for the next person to see. I’m not afraid of the world- not like I used to be. You changed that. You changed me.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

Life changes us. It shapes us. The things that happen to us make us who we are. Sometimes, those things are people.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

I feel like a broken record. I feel like if you made it this far, you want me to get to the point. But I already have.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

If you’re reading this, I’m probably not talking to you. The ones who should read this probably never will. That’s okay, because at the end of the day, I’ll always be here, and so will the forgiveness. See, I’m not perfect. At all. I never have been, and I never will be. But I’ve met someone who is, and He’s one of those ‘things’ that have happened to me that changed me; that shaped me; that made me who I am.

If you aren’t sure, I’m talking about Jesus.

The Bible has not always been my comfort like it should be. I have not always turned to it in times of trouble. But I am clinging to His Word today. Am I ever clinging today.

I am soaked in mercy today. I am drowning in grace. And it is causing me to grow.

I wish I never had to deal with pain. I wish I could be that person that is always happy and smiling and doesn’t get called out at the dinner table for finally showing a real smile on their own birthday. Sometimes, that’s how life works. Sometimes, that’s how God works.

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This verse has always broken my heart. Not for myself. But for you.

I don’t feel like you are ‘evil’ or that those were your intentions. I think that everyone is struggling with their own problems, and sometimes, that impacts others. I wish I could help. I wish I knew what to do. All I can do is pray, and hope that you see God show up and really show out. He can change your life. It’s not always easy, but it is always the best…

And I’m not better than you. I hurt many people before you, and I have since hurt many that came after. You’re not the only one that needs forgiven. That’s the beauty of grace- it covers it all. A-Z. Nothing is too big or too small.

If it were up to me- I mean, solely up to my human nature- I would hate you forever. I have no reason as a sinful, fleshy being to forgive you or ever wish you any good. Thankfully, that’s not all I am.

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I have power over my evil desires. I have love for you. I have the self-control to change my mind, and all of these things help me to see you for who you really are.

You are hurting. You are angry. You are wrestling with God, and He is not going to let you go until He’s ready. And that’s hard. So hard that Jacob’s hip got broken in the process. But maybe that’s where we are supposed to be. Not beaten- just broken. Sometimes there has to be a crack for us to see the light.

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You hurt me, and for a very long time, I did not forgive you. You took everything I was, and you crushed it. You smothered it. You snuffed it out. But I have more than myself in me, and I can do all things with Him. Maybe not perfectly. But I can learn to survive. I have learned to survive.

You hurt me, and I need you to know that I forgive you.

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